NY CHILDHOOD

My sister, Esther, told me I didn’t write anything about my own early years.

To write about the real early years is not easy. I am going to try, gentle reader so be patient with me.

I was born & raised in Columbia City Indiana so There was 8 children (four boys & four girls. I was the 4^th one born. . I know now we were poor but I never knew this when I was a child. No one ever told me I was poor so I figured we were like everyone else. OH!! The innocence of kids. I remember how we all liked raw potatoes and we were always barefooted. To this day I don’t like shoes. When my brother, Jerry, was in second grade the teacher asked him where his shoes were and he told her it wasn’t his turn to wear them!! If we got a hole in the bottom of the shoes we put a piece of cardboard in and it worked for a while.

I never had new clothes because I could wear my sisters so it worked out w

My father was a Plummer and he was never home. He was always working but he was always home

for supper. I guess it was hard back than to care for a large family.

I was happy and had a lot of kids in the neighborhood.

My brother Paul was killed in an accident when he was 7. It was a terrible accident. WE had been playing in the house when we got company. Pau Ted & I ran out the back door in a race for the roof. WE could climb on top of the oil barrel and than get on the garage roof. Than when someone came out the door we could jump on then. We had done this before and it was fun. This time Paul was the first one on the top of the barrel when it fell. It threw Paul backwards and he hit his head on a brick. He died about ten minutes later. They never found a reason for the barrel falling and it was ruled an accident.

Death takes it toll on the family. The neighbors were all great and took is under their wings. They kept us busy with games and so much food. They even took us to church with them!!!

When I was about 9 I would go to my grandfathers house after school. I would walk to the Farmers Grain & Feed store and hitch hike!!! I never gave it a second thought, gentle reader. Try something like that today!!!! Everyone one knew my grandfather and they gave me a ride to the end of the lane.

I just loved going there.

More on this next time, gentle reader.

Until than call someone you haven’t called in a long time and say hello!!!!

Love Red

ONE MORE DAY

HI GENTLE READER , I am trying to stay on the happy side. I have two new jobs and things are sure looking better.t I must say a big Thank You to Kim,my niece, in NYC.Kim writes a blog also (the yummymummy.com) It is a fabulous blog and she also writes books. Kim's husband,David, does Broadway Shows and they have two great children!!! I don't know how she finds time to help ,e but when you talk to her you feel better no matter what is wrong. I got a call today for a job. I had applied for the job about two months ago but was turned down. The reason was a younger person got the job. When she called & told me the other person got the job I was devasted . I just thanked her for calling and told her if she ever needed someone to call me. Well it worked out. Today when she called me for the job she explained the other lady had three children and really needed the money. Now the other lady got a job with more hours so the job was open!! I understood how she felt and was just happy she called me. This job is only three hours a day but my other job is all weekend so it works out fine. I look back on the last few months and wonder how I let myself get so depressed!!! I know better and I sure know the symptoms but I just ignored them all. I will keep posting dear reader and hope you don't get to bored. Until the next time------SMILE LOVE RED		draft		7/12/11	by caretakerforelderly	Delete
	Edit	View	The Beginning of the End

The Beginning of the End

Hello again gentle reader. I hope a few people are still around to read this blog. I was talking to my astrologer & friend, Tiny Shuster, and she said to start writing on my blog again. I am taking her advice and trying.

I have become extremely depressed over my life. I have not worked for two months and am lost. I have devoted my life to the elderly and really enjoyed what I done. I like to think I made a few people happy in my home. I always put the people first no matter what the situation was. I never refused anyone a place weather they had the money or not.
In order to understand this I must tell you the whole story. When my only daughter was 18 she was in an accident with her car. She was hit head on late at night. I received a call from the hospital about 12:30 am to come to the hospital as soon as possible. I had one elderly lady living in our home at the time. She had only been with us for about two months. I called a friend who came to stay while we were gone. It seemed like everything was in slow motion. I swear it was hours before we arrived at the hospital. We went through the door of the Emergency Room a friend was standing there. It was Joe Hickey from Corinth and he said , "ask for Dr. LaPointe, Ruth, he is the best!!!" We were shown into my daughter's room. The first thing she said was "Dad, I was not drinking. All I had was a coke!!" I asked her what happened and she said she didn't know. The aide came in and she took Beth to the x-ray room. My hisband & I went out in the hallway to wait. Deputy Sheriff Larry Cleveland was waiting for us. He explained he was the investigating officer on the accident. I asked if anyone was in the car with my daughter and he said no. There was no one in either car, just the driver. I asked how bad the other person was and he replied very softly," He just died!!!!" All I could think of was Thank God my daughter didn't die!!! It just seemed to echo in the room. As soon as she came back they wanted to take a blood test for alcohol. Beth was worried and kept telling he Dad " it was one coke!!!" He told her not to worry she was fine. I just stood there in shock but telling her I loved her.

The Dr. said she should be ok because it just a broken wrist & finger and she had hurt her knee. I was so relieved and we headed home because I had to do breakfast for my lady. About 9:00am the hospital called and said we needed to come as soon as possible; it was urgent. We arrived at the Intensive Care Unit to find Beth (my daughter) drugged. Dr. LaPointe took us in a small room and explained what happened. He said the steering wheel had glanced over her chest and the aorta vessel was going to rupture. He explained there was not any time to lose. She could not be flown to Albany Medical because the jolt of the elevator could kill her. The Glens Falls hospital had never done this type of operating and had anyone live. We really did not have a choice so I asked when they were going to start. He said "When your ready". I went down the hallway to her room and took her hand. I told her I loved her and she had to go upstairs for a while but she better remember I was waiting for her. Her Dad talked a little and we went to the waiting room. I went to the Ladies Room and went inside. I started crying and got on my knees. I promised God if he would give me back my daughter I would devote my life to the elderly.

The operation took almost 6 hours but I got my daughter back. When the Doctor was operating the aorta vessel ruptured and they had to shut the blood off the lower part of her body for about 45 minutes. . She would be in a wheelchair but that was ok. I had only asked for her back.. I truly meant what I said and I spent mu years taking in the elderly. I never refused anyone because God didn't ask me for money. It always worked out one way or another. I never worried about getting by because everything just seemed to work out.
I will stop now and do tomorrow dear reader.
Love Red

LOVING LIFE

What a beautiful day today. I am at work and the sun is shining and snow melting!!! It makes you feel good just to think spring is on the way.
The couple I take care of are in their nineties and it is a pleasure to be allowed to care for them.
She has Parkinson’s and unable to walk any more. He has heart problems and uses a walker. His mind is excellent but hers is not too good. When she smiles, gentle reader, it is a great thing to see.
This is the type of job you really learn to appreciate what you have. To see people married for over 60 years and still totally devoted to each other. She might have dementia but she knows her family and always knows her husband.
I was feeling sorry for myself, dear reader, because of my eyesight and than I see these folks and forget my problems.
I need to count my blessings more often. It is very easy to sink into depression and be angry but it does not help.
When I see the sun shingg it reminds me of Ed. He had come to live with us when he was about 70.His vision was getting bad and he needed a lot of help. He was having a hard time getting used to the idea he couldn’t drive any more. A friend had brought his car to him and I was upset with this. I told him I didn’t allow cars here but he refused to move it. Than I told him he would have to pay storage fees for this. That got his attention. I contacted his friend and told him to come and get it. Ed had thought with the car here he could just go sit in it sometimes. I know how he felt but than he thought he could just drive around town. I felt like I spent most of my time trying to make Ed feel better.
When I explained how easy it would be to hit someone he just argued. I finally told him his friend had 24 hours to move the car or I would have it towed. His friend came and got the car and I called Dr. Pitkin to come and see ED.
Dr. Pitkin came and he prescribed an antdepressaant for him.It took about two weeks for this to work but after that Ed was fine. He started coming out of his room and talking to the other people. That really helped immensely. I don’t believe in taking a lot of medicine but sometimes, gentle reader, it is necessary. I even felt like I needed something by than!!!
I quit smoking 5 years ago and you know, gentle reader, I still find myself reaching for a cigarette sometimes. When I do I pick up the phone and call a friend. The same is true of depression so I pick the phone up again. Thank God I have great friends who put up with me.
Until the next time ,please call a friend and thank them for being your friend.
Love, Red

BEAUTY TREATMENT

It was certainly a beautiful day out. The weatherman said it would be very warm and sunny. The temperature was already 80 and we had the windows open.There was air conditioning but we only used it if it got humid or 90.
This was the day Betty came to do hair. Everyone got their hair washed and cut if they wanted. It always made the folks happy to see her. Betty was a very compassionate person. She never hurried and wanted everyone happy with their hair. Sometimes it got very interesting because most of the folks could not bend over the sink. To make up for this Betty put a plastic cape over their clothes and the water would run into a large container. His seemed fine but we always had one person who would be soaked and deceide they had to go pee. It never failed but we managed.
Betty had been there about two hours when we heard the emergency whistle blow. I didn’t think much of it because all my people were ok. Then the whistle blew again. All of a sudden Betty came rushing downstairs and said, “I have to go because I am sure it is my house”. She was out the door and gone in less than a minute. I could not imagine what was wrong and I got a terrible feeling. Kate, she had worked for me for a long time, helped me finish everyone. I was so glad to have her there working that day. Kate was the type who could walk in and pick up anything that was going on. I always called her my right hand.
We found out later it was Betty’s husband who had died in the fire. It was very devastating to all of us. The folks were upset and it took a few weeks to get recovered.
You always had to be ready for any unexpected things. It could be funny or sad but the main thing was to be ready with some kind of an answer. I think this is where the term “wing it” came it.
If I had one of the people ask me when they were going home I always said, “Tomorrow you can go.” I used this line more than any other.
I will leave you, gentle reader, with one thought: how many goals have you reached in your life? Do you remember how worried you were over something a year ago? Did it really matter? Think how much time and energy yiou spend on little things and put them behind you. You will feel better and I think you will probably smile more.
Love, Red

GOING DOWN ANYONE?

New Years Day has arrived and I am making a New Year’s resolution. Ready?? I am going to write more blogs. I have a new laptop computer to work with and I am not going to be defeated by my eye sight. I have macular degeneration and my left eye is not doing so good. I will try my best to still do blogs but you, my gentle reader, must bear with me if I make errors.
In my last blog I had mentioned Bill. He was a very belligerent 63 year old man. He had several medical problems and was unable to stay home alone. He had no family so he was all alone. No matter what the subject was he always said what he thought and insisted his version was the only one that mattered. It was so bad the other folks would ignore him. I tried to keep the peace but it was very trying. Bill got so he stayed in his room most of the time just lying in bed. I tried to get him to read but no luck. He had a chip on his shoulder and nothing moved him. He started wanting his meals served in his room and I said no. I allowed him breakfast but told him he needed to come to the table for meals. The language he used was horrible so I just left his room. He came for the evening meal and I breathed a sigh of relief. I should have known it would not last. The next day after breakfast he informed me he would take all meals in his room!! I repeated what I had said. II tried reasoning with him but nothing seemed to get through. I always reminded myself to remember these people were ill and I should be very patient no matter what they said.
The next day started out ok with Bill even coming to the table for breakfast. When it came time for lunch it was a different story. I went to his room and he said he wanted luch served in his room. I refused and we were at a stalemate. I waited until 100 and told him lunch was over and if he wanted a sandwich to come to the kitchen anytime. He replied with a few choice words and I left. He never came out of his room all afternoon. I called him at 4:45 for dinner and he informed me he was eating in his room I told him if he refused to come to the table I would call thee Dr. I than went back to the kitchen. It was not five minutes later when Carl hollered”Hey!!! Someone just jumped out the upstairs window”!! It took a few seconds for that to sink in and then I realized it was Bill. He had opened his window and jumped! I rushed outside and there he was on the blacktop driveway screaming. I called the Emergency Squad and they came and rushed him to the hospital. the end result was he had broken his ankle but otherwise was ok.
It took me quite a while to recover from that. He was evaluated in the hospital and admitted to the Mental Health Unit. The Doctor explained he had been there before and would be placed in a secure facility for the rest of his life.
Whenever something liked this happened I always felt like I had failed. It would take a while to pull myself together again.
It made me realize I could not help everyone but you do the best you can.
Until the next time, dear reader, try to go through one week with out raising your voice or becoming upset. Look for the cause and you will feel better.
Love Red

SEEING IS BELEIVING

This is about Ellen. She came to live with us at the age of 87. She had slight dementia and was able to walk just a few feet. Her ankles and legs were very swollen and it was painful for her. Ellen watched TV a lot and would try to walk to the bathroom but you knew it hurt. She was so proud and you had to try and help her without letting her know. It really got interesting at times.
The holidays were always a beautiful time in the house. Everyone would watch or try to help. We always decorated so much. If it didn’t move it got decorated. The tree was the biggest thing. Everyone had ideas and I just let them do what they wanted. When it was all done we would spend the evening singing songs and telling stories. No one went to bed on time so it was always late. By the time 10:00 rolled around I had everyone tucked in. Ellen wanted to talk to her husband (who had died) but she finally drifted off.
I was busy trying to get everything done and set up for breakfast. Before I knew it the clock struck 11:00. I told my Mother, who was visiting at the time, to go to bed. I said I would check everyone and go myself. When I got to Ellen’s bed it was empty!!! I mean it was empty!! I even went over and patted the bed because I could not believe it was empty. Her walker was there but she was gone. I checked the bathroom and no one. I got my husband up and Mother heard us. Ellen had gotten up; put on her shoes and coat and was gone. This lady could hardly walk.
It had snowed about 3 inches and my husband looked out on the sidewalk. You could see where she had gone. She had walked down the ramp across the road and was lying on the neighbor’s lawn! My husband picked her up and carried her back to the house. We got her coat and shoes off and got her in bed. I checked every inch of her and determined she wasn’t injured but I knew she could get pneumonia very easily. Mother and I decided we would keep her nice and warm but massaging her for a few hours. We took turns and about 4:00 I figured we would let her sleep. I still could not believe she had done that.
I didn’t want to call the Doctor because I was afraid I would be in trouble since I had only been in business a few months. I did tell him several years later and he got a laugh about it.
The next morning she was in great shape and didn’t remember anything! My Mother and I both caught colds from the whole ordeal.
Ellen was with us for about a year or more and died one night in her sleep.
I learned a lot from all the people and believe me no two were ever alike.
The next story will be about Bill and the lesson he taught me.
Today, dear reader is a day to smile. It can be contagious so smile all day long.
Love Red

SAVING MEDICINE

I have been a little late in posting my story but we have been sick. Dave got a cold that turned into bronchitis. Then we thought he had pneumonia but he didn’t. Finally started on the antibiotics and then I stared coughing. I really don’t have time for a cold so I started on the pills also.
It is interesting but when I ran the business it was rare for me to get ill. I guess I never stood still long enough for anything to catch up with me.
I had been discussing pills with Doctor Pitkin. He always tried to keep the pills low and not give out any medicine that was not necessary. That was fine but there was always one person who would want more.
When I got a new resident in Doc would come and check the person out. Sometimes he would change the medicine and the person usually agreed with what he said. I had one lady, Nellie, who insisted she needed pain pills all the time. It was almost impossible to reason with her. She would insist she was in horrible pain but you knew she wasn’t. She was the type of person who cried out in pain if you tried to give her a small hug. She didn’t want anyone touching her at all. When Dr. Pitkin came he had to do an exam on her. He told me she would scream and to prepare myself. I tell you, gentle reader, that was an understatement. and I am telling you, dear reader, she screamed!! I don’t mean she yelled I mean she literally screamed! It scared a few people but when he left she was fine. I was just happy he didn’t have to do that anymore.
There were a few people I got who had been off their medicine for a long time. They thought if they cut their pills in half it would save money. I heard these stories like this and also another was to save teabags. If done properly they would use the same tea bag over & over. It made me sad to think of how they deprived themselves.
We had no rules when it came to visiting. I always said anyone could come when they wanted. If I was vacuuming or washing clothes it never seemed to bother anyone. One day a lady said her son, who was a president at a college was coming to visit. So I got my hair done and dressed up and waited. I wanted to make a really good impression. He finally showed up and he was wearing mens knee pants and a T-Shirt. He remarked he never dressed unless he was working!! I really felt stupid so I went and changed into my everyday clothes and forgot about it. The residents always wore what they wanted because it was their home and they were comfortable.
That is it for now,dear reader, so until the next time when you have nothing to do for 5 minutes count your blessings. This is very easy to do when you're sitting at a stop light. Don’t get upset with traffic, cool down. Think positive and start counting and you will be amazed at how nice life can be.

Love Red

DEALING WITH DEATH

I dealt with people dying a lot in the 30 years of running the business. It was never easy but I learned to cope with it over the years. It was never the same with anyone. I never developed the professional attitude. I cried for all of them because I cared.
When my Mother died it was very peaceful and she was actually smiling. Mom had Parkinson’s disease and years ago there was not a lot you could do about it. To see this beautiful intelligent woman deteriorate was horrible. She had always enjoyed making quilts but her hands shook so she had to stop. I think that was the worst time of the disease. The night she died she told my sister, Esther, she was going to see Harry & Paul. Harry was my Dad who had died before and Paul was my brother who died when he was 8 years old. My sister told me what Mom said and I walked into the bedroom and asked her how she was. She said she was tired. I said, “You better get some sleep or you will have dark circles under your eyes. How can I tell everyone I have the most beautiful Mother in the world with that?” She smiled that beautiful smile and said “I love you, honey”! I said “ I love you Mom” and that was all. She died in her sleep about four hours later. It was sad but I was happy she was at peace. That is the way I always felt when one of my people passed on. Their suffering was over and they were in a better place with no pain.
I had a phone call last Tuesday to let me know my dear friend, Edith, had died. I tell you dear reader; it was a very hard thing to hear. This is the lady I met in the Doctor’s office and helped out. I wrote about her in my blog May 18. She did move to Georgia and lived with her daughter & son-in-law and she loved it. We visited her in October and went to the Atlanta Aquarium with the family. This is because I took a minute to talk to someone in a doctor's office who needed a friend. I ended up meeting the family and now I have more friends and a lot of beautiful memories. When I think I only knew her a short time but I will remember this gracious lady the rest of my life.
The only bad time when a person dies is when the family doesn’t care. There have been many of those. One time they even refused to buy a decent dress for burial and I was so shocked. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything it was the fact the relatives wanted it all. They didn’t understand why she needed something new to be buried in. She had lots of night gowns but no dresses. The reason for not having dresses or slacks is because she was bedridden and only wore night gowns. The niece suggested we use her nightgown. You must realize, dear reader, I had to be nice to everyone but in a situation like that it was very hard. On the other hand there were relatives who literally went to pieces. In my way of thinking the true colors of people came out.
In closing ,dear friend, I ask you to call a person you have neglected or argued with and remain friends. Life is too short to hold grudges and you will feel better for it and so will they.
Love Red

SLIDIND at MINERS

It was a beautiful day with the sunshine and the snow on the trees. Everything sparkled and looked so beautiful, dear reader. You would have thought Mother Nature was putting on a show. We had about 8 inches of new snow and everything l;ooked so fresh.The folks were excited because I told them the kids were coming to slide. If there was one thing they enjoyed it watching the kids come flying down the hill on their sleds. There was a large picture window that looked out over the lower part of the hill. It was a long steep hill and Clem would pull them up to the top with the 4-wheeler and than they would come down fast. Someone was always running into the other one but it was all in fun. When they were cold they came in and of course had to tell everyone how fast they were. Then it was who was the fastest and who got in the way. The folks just loved this. Margie was always giving out hugs and Amy was giving out cookies. Andrew was a little shy and stayed by the fireplace waiting for the mittens to dry. Bridget would supervise and go in Bob’s room to tell him. Bob could look out his window and see the kids but Bridget was his best friend. Remember, gentle reader, Bob was the WW2 POW. He always called Bridget “Lynn Bridget”. I asked him once why he called her this instead of Bridget Lynn and he said “Because she is special”. That was the beginning of a great friendship with the two of them. Once they had hot cocoa and cookies it was back to the hill to slide.
The other part of a great surprise was watching the deer come walking down the hill. Everyone gathered around the window and whispered. It was so exciting to them to see this. They could talk for hours about what the deer were doing. Usually there was two deer or more and if there happened to be a fawn the folks would be speechless!!
Mary was due home from the hospital. She had fallen the day before and had to go to the ER. They kept her overnight and decided she could return and just rest. Of course, gentle reader, she lapped this right up. If there was one thing Mary liked it was a lot of attention and she sure got it. Mary was one of the best liked people in the family. She had one problem I had never handled before. When she went to bed she always managed to put her foot on the floor. If I tried to get her to put both feet in bed she would but as soon as you left the room her foot was slowly eased back out and on the floor. No matter what you did the foot was on the floor. I finally gave up and let her do this but I never encountered this again. I guess, dear reader, we all have our little habits.
I also had Violet, who was in the same room as Mary, and she worried about Mary as much as Mary worried about her. Sometimes it was a contest to see who could cover the other one more. Violet was afraid Mary would catch cold so she had to tuck her in. Than Mary would do the same. It usually stopped when I told them to stay in bed but you had to just love them To see the elderly care for each other was a great thing and it always amazed me how much they cared.
Until next time, gentle reader, give someone a hug and call an elderly person and say hello.
Love,
Red

LOSING YOUR TEETH

We were looking for false teeth!!! Verna had taken her false teeth out and didn’t know where she put them. To make matters worse she had gone into someone’s room and taken their teeth and she didn’t understand why they wouldn’t fit!!! This is when your sense of humor kicks in. I finally figured out who’s teeth she had and we found hers. In her mind she thought it was ok to take those teeth. It never occurred to her they were someone else’s. When I explained it to her she would just smile and say she was sorry. I tried to tell her she could not just take her teeth out and put them anywhere. She needed to put them in her room in her own cup. She agreed but of course in twenty minutes it was gone. That is how Dementia works.
I had a fireplace in the home and it was located in the sitting room. In this room there was no TV and folks could just sit and visit. When my Mother came to live with us she always enjoyed the fireplace. Clem, my husband, was the only one allowed to start the fire up and he took care of the wood. He was a logger so he knew how to do all this. Whenever Clem came in to put more wood on the fire they were all happy. They enjoyed talking to him and he really enjoyed talking to them. To have someone visit just made their day.
On this day, dear reader, my Mother had arrived from Indiana to live with us. My sister, Esther, had driven all day to get here and Mother was exhausted. We opened up the couch for her to lie down and Clem came to stoke the fire. Mother thought he was the best and was so very happy. She went to sleep and the next day we moved her into her room and she lived with us for a long time but always enjoyed Clem fixing the fire.
WE also had two dogs, German Sheppard’s, and they followed Clem everywhere. On this particular day, gentle reader, it had been very windy and cold. You could feel winter coming and almost smell the snow. It was getting late and Clem said he better put some wood on the fire for the evening. He headed for the house and both dogs went with him. About a half hour later he came back and I knew he was upset. He said “I have some bad news for you”. “When I was fixing the fire I heard the dog chewing and I thought he had brought a stick in the house. I wasn't paying much attention and when I got the fire done I called the dogs to leave. One of the dogs was still chewing so I checked to see what he had in his mouth. This is what he had”!!! He opened up his hand and there was a mangled mess!! It was what was left of Verna’s teeth! I could not believe what I was seeing. Evidently the dog found the teeth on the end table and started chewing them up. There is no way you are going to fix this mangled mess. Clem felt terrible and so did I. I was trying to think how to handle Verna the next morning. I got so stressed out I could not sleep. Everyone was sleeping for a change. I decided the only thing I could do was try to explain this to Verna in the morning.
The next morning I set the table for breakfast and then called everyone to wake and get ready to eat. The most shocking thing in the world was when I called Verna and she didn’t respond. She had died in her sleep. She never knew about her teeth and for that I am thankful.
It just goes to show you never knew what was going on at Miner’s.
The snow did come and the wind blew. I think we got about 18 inches and for the first time we were really snowed in. Usually Clem could keep ahead of snow by using the skidder but not this time. This is when Dick got sick and all signs pointed to a stroke or heart attack. I called the emergency number and explained I was snowed in. The next thing you know two huge snow plows came roaring up the driveway. It only took two runs and everything was cleared and Don was taken to the hospital.
He had a stroke but thankfully lived through it.
All in all it was just another week but you learn something new all the time. From then on everyone kept their teeth in their room, when not in their mouth!!!
Until next time, gentle reader, do a good deed and don’t tell anyone.
Love
Red

DEPRESSION

Sometimes it is hard to figure out if someone is depressed or just feeling a little down. The same is true of the elderly. I would try to figure if the person was just having a bad time or was truly in need of help.
Thinking about this reminded me of Kay.
Kay was a very nice lady who had called me from the hospital. The doctor told her she could no longer live alone so she called and asked me to come and see her. I went there the next day and had a long talk with her. She was having a lot of problems breathing and the doctor was thinking of putting her on oxygen. She didn’t want to do this, she thought it would be terrible and she would die faster. I had a talk with the doctor and we decided to try oxygen just at night and see how that worked. Kay came to live with us in May and was very talkative. Her husband, he was a scientist, had died several years before. Kay had taught nursing at a college in NYC. She was on a lot of medicine but her mind was very good. She knew each pill and what it was for. Kay liked to joke a lot and was always trying to cheer people up.
One day she asked if I ever went to the track. I told her I didn’t but my husband went every night. She wanted to know if she could go. She said she loved going out to dinner and watch the races. I thought this was nice so I offered to take her. She really enjoyed my husband and they would get into some great discussions involving horses. We got reservations at the Club House for dinner and off we would go. Of course she had to have her portable oxygen on but she didn’t mind. My sister, Esther, would go with us because you never knew what was going to happen with Kay. I always took an extra tank along just in case we needed it.
One night, while at the track the oxygen started running quite low. I told her not to worry I would go to the car and get the extra. I went to the car, which was quite a ways, and discovered I had lost my keys!! I got a Security Guard to help me to see if we could get in through the window. He couldn’t do it and by now I was really worried. What if she ran out?? The Security Guard assured me the Doctor on the Track had oxygen in the First Aid office. Than someone noticed the back side window was open just a tiny bit. They managed to get a long rod through this and hit the unlock button!! I grabbed the extra tank and hurried back to the Clubhouse. It was really just in time because the other one was out. When I told Kay and Esther what happened my sister said, “Your keys are in your sweater pocket, hanging on the back of your chair”!!I had completely forgotten I had a sweater on that evening! It turned out to be a good evening anyway because Kay won $12.00 on a bet.
I noticed over the next few days she did not seem to be herself so I called the Doctor. He said she was depressed and prescribed a medicine for her.
I tell you, gentle reader, you just don’t know when this happens. He said she had been depressed for quite a long time but just tried to hide it. After she took her medicine you could see a change in her. She was lot of fun and never complained about anything. The one thing she enjoyed in the evening was a glass of Johnny Walker Red before she went to bed. The Doctor said if she wanted it she could have it and she did. Never more than one but it was her choice.
She was one of the people I will never forget. When I think about the people I had, gentle reader, I don’t think I will ever forget any of them.
They were all special in their own way and I just loved them.
Until the next time, gentle reader, remeber to count your blessings.
Love Red

JUST ANOTHER DAY

I had received a call from Saratoga Hospital about a room. There was a gentleman who could no longer live alone and wanted to meet me. I told Laura I would be there the following morning. I had recently remodeled and now had 5 bedrooms and five bathrooms, which sure made it a lot easier. The carpenter was almost finished so I thought I would be ok with getting another resident.
When I arrived at the hospital the next day I met Don. Don had Dementia (beginning stages) and was a very quiet gentleman. He had been married but his wife had died many years before so he tried to live by himself. The report said he had lived in one room for years, sleeping on a couch and eating TV dinners most of the time. His hair was down to his shoulders and so matted- you knew he hadn’t combed it in a looooong time! When I saw his toe nails I just could not believe it. They hadn’t been trimmed in months and were so long they curled.
I took him home and it was really interesting. The first thing I did was try to get him in a shower and what a battle that was.
“No woman was going to see him naked let alone give him a shower”!!I tried talking very quietly but after 15 minutes of that I got forceful. Melanie and I managed to get him undressed and in the shower. I had called Fran, my hairdresser, and she came to the house. When we got out of the shower she cut his hair. He was so mad at us he wouldn’t talk!! He looked about 10 years younger when we got through. Then I left him in his room saying his dinner would be ready in a little while. He never answered me so I knew we could have a big problem.
It was about a half hour later I went to the room to call him for dinner. What a surprise I got. He had turned on the TV and found the NYMETS playing and was so happy. I ended up fixing him a plate and letting him eat in his room and watch the game.
I always liked to have everyone together for meals but sometimes you bend the rules. This was one of those times. When the game was over and I wanted to get him ready for bed I expected a huge argument but he was great. Did not want to brush his teeth (found out he only had about six) otherwise he was fine. When his brother came to visit him the following week he couldn’t believe the change in him. He said he had tried for a long time to get him out of the apartment but Don wouldn’t leave. He was sure happy to see him being cared for. The only thing we had to wait for was Dr. Finger to come and trim his nails. He came the following week and Don was happy to get that done.
One of the most interesting things was that he couldn’t figure out where he was. When he got up the next morning he had forgotten completely where he was. He didn’t remember the shower, haircut or anything. That is the way dementia works which at times made our work easier. However it could also be the other way around.
If someone with dementia asked for a pain pill and you gave it to them, an hour later they didn’t remember and wanted another. It just kept us on our toes all the time.
Sometimes I swear I was getting forgetful so I would tell anyone who noticed” I am just rehearsing for Alzheimer’s so when I get it I will know how to act”!!
Keep smiling, dear reader, it always helps lighten the load.
Love Red

REFLECTIONS

I went to a funeral the other day. It was for a lady I had the privilege of helping to take care of for the last two years. It was a beautiful service. The sun was shining and a nice breeze blowing and you looked real hard you could see her listening to the beautiful service. Her grandson played his guitar and sang a song to her. They played a song from Celine Dion which just flowed over the church so beautifully. Than her other grandson said a few words about what she had taught him. It was so nice to hear about this lady I never knew before. When I cared for her she was always worrying about her husband and her family. You never heard her complain about herself. She just wanted everyone to be ok. She was so proud of her family.
I was so used to hearing people complain about their problems it became normal. I reflected about a lot of things on my way home. This family is so close to each other. They never argued or had cross words to say about each other or other people. When I was working and cooked a meal I was expected to eat with the family. I became a part of this family. All the caregivers were treated so nice.
Whenever I went to work it was with a smile on my face because I enjoyed all of the family so much. This lady had meals served at the table. There were candles and cloth napkins and everything looked so beautiful. Before every meal Norm said a prayer and then he would very gently kiss the back of her hand. There was no TV on and it was always nice conversations going. He called her Bunny and she called him Brer Rabbit and this had been going on for 68 years.
Thinking about these things made me realize how fast life goes. When you realize you forgot to stop and smell the roses than you know you better slow down.
Have you really been listening to other people or just going through the motions?
I never want to fall into that rut so I try to listen. When I am caring for someone I have to figure out what is really going on. Men never want to tell you. It is this thing about you can’t complain.
Men think they are invincible until something goes wrong. Then they deny it if you ask. Women usually will tell another woman their problems.
I know this is short but just remember, gentle reader, tell someone you love them or give someone a hug and kiss. Life is just so short and we all have a lot to do.

Until the next time,

Love Ruth

DEMENTIA CAN BE GOOD

I have been very busy, gentle reader, but when I tell you why you will understand.
I got married on July 25th to a wonderful guy. It was a small wedding with friends and family. I figured the third time around was enough so I kept it simple. Everything was great and we only had one problem. The best man choked on a piece of steak and Pat Marrow tried the Heimlich maneuver but it didn’t work. Bella called the fire department but it came out so all ended well.
I remember when I done this maneuver a long time ago. One of the residents had choked on a hamburger and so I did it. The hamburger came right out and it scared him so bad he would never eat hamburger again!!
It was late in the evening when I received a phone call from the Saratoga Hospital. It seems there was a 92 year old lady in need of help and it had to be kept quiet. No one was to know she was with me. They said she had dementia but had been sexually abused for several years. I went to the hospital and picked her up. She was the saddest looking person you can imagine. She had to be about 5’8”and weighed about 110 lbs. It was like skin and bones with long scraggly hair. My heart went out to her and I just gave her a big hug and asked her if she would like to go home with me. She said she would so off we went. I had strict orders about anyone trying to locate her by phone or car so I was a little apprehensive.
I had German Sheppard’s and knew no one could drive in without the dogs barking. I informed Chris and Esther if anyone called we knew nothing.
The information I received about her was very sad. Her husband had died three years before and so she took in a border to help her out. The man she took in was in his early 50’s and he took everything she had. It only took him a few months to get her trust and then he started in on her. He would make out checks, have her sign them and then take her to the bank and have her cash them!! She would give the money to him and there was nothing illegal about it. Sometimes he took her out to eat and she just loved all the attention. Why her family didn’t notice what was going on was beyond me. After about 8 months of this he got so he didn’t let the family in. He would tell them she was sleeping and they left. Then he got her to tell the family she didn’t want them coming to visit anymore and so they left her with him. This woman had a very nice home and beautiful antiques. When her husband died he left her very well off and no bills to pay. The police figured she let him move in because she was lonely. He managed to mortgage her home by having her sign all the papers. During all this time he was also abusing her sexually. The only reason all this came out was because of a UPS driver.
When the UPS driver went to deliver a package he rang the bell. There were small windows beside the door and he glanced in to see if anyone was coming. The lady was on the couch, in a bad position, nude and that was all he needed. He called the police and the rest is history.
Mary had dementia and it was apparent she really didn’t know where she was but she was happy. We had to give her medicine to keep her from getting upset. She would get started on where her husband was and it was very hard. We would tell her he went to the store and she would cry. The best thing we found to help was have her help one of the other ladies. She loved to “fuss” with their hair so we had her doing everyone’s hair for a long time.
When her family was finally told where she was they came to visit. They were so happy to have her out of the house.
Mary lived with us for about a year and then one night she died in her sleep.
I always treasured her memory because it was nice knowing we helped someone who was truly in trouble.
The worst part was the man got away with everything and could not be charged with any crime. The bank foreclosed on the house and Mary lost everything she had.
The good part of Dementia was she never understood what she lost.
Until next time, dear read, have a great day & remember

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

LOVE RED

NO NURSING HOME

I was asked many times why I never ran a nursing home. Once I got started in the business I had thought about it. The only problem I had was the people. How could I give the personal care if I opened a large facility? To my way of thinking if you had more than ten people you started to lose the personal touch. This is what the folks wanted and so I kept the numbers small. In my house we had five bedrooms and five bathrooms. On the far end were my private rooms. The people happiness was my mail concern.
It was about 15 years ago I had a doctor ask me an interesting question. He wanted to know if I was interested in going into a partnership with him. It was to purchase a nursing home about 20 miles away. I could run the place and he would be the main doctor. I asked him about having so many people and he said this is how you make the money. We purchase the business and cut the cost to the bone. Redo the menu and use the cheapest meals you can. Then cut the staff down and you’re on your way to make some serious money!! I think I thought about this for five minutes and told him to forget it. I wasn’t in the business to make money but to care for people. He really had a hard time understanding this. To me it was very simple; keep the residents down and you have plenty of time for personal care.
Then there was the attorney I met who was very interested in having me bring the elderly to him. He offered me a fee for anyone I could send his way. You know, gentle reader, I never called on him again. It was interesting to read a few years later he was disbarred for stealing funds from an elderly gentleman.
I had a lady one time that was really funny. She had arrived about nine o’clock in the evening. It seems she had a dislocated should and was in a brace. The family didn’t want her to stay alone so they brought her to my home. I finally got her settled in and she went to sleep about 11:30. I woke her for breakfast about 8:30 and she wasn’t hungry. I waited about fifteen minutes and tried again. She said she was not going to eat because she was going to die in a few hours. I told her to hang on and left the room. I returned in a few minutes with a long pad and pencil. She said “What in the world are you doing”? “Well, I explained, since you are going to die I need a favor: I am going to make out a list for you because you must be talking to God so you can show him the list”! She actually started laughing and of course she proceeded to get up.
You had to be able to respond with a good line just to get their mind off their problems.
When we had meals ready, if a couple of people weren’t at the table I would go in the living room and say, with a laugh, “Lunch is being served in the main dining room, on the first floor level” Everyone would just laugh about that. Sometimes I think, dear reader, Harold would lag behind just to hear me say it.
I had a lady named Selma who was Jewish. I tried to serve her only the foods she wanted. She never complained and was always so nice. One evening, when she had been with us for a couple of weeks I served pork chops. I had fixed her something else and when she saw the pork chops she said “I would like pork chops also”! I said “You may certainly have one. I thought you didn’t eat pork. She said “I cheat all the time, “and just smiled the nicest smile. It just goes to show you never knew what they would come up with.
Until the next time dear reader, you have a nice day and remember this:


You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing

Love, Red

ELECTRIC BLANKETS & NO POWER

It was a very cold and snowy day when Agnes came to my home. She was the fourth person to live with us. Agnes arrived with two suitcases and a couple of bags. She was a tall lady, little on the heavy side with long (I mean long) hair. She was dressed very classy in a suit consisting of skirt, blouse, and jacket. On her feet were stockings and a pair of low heeled pumps. . She also had on a pair of white gloves. Her Doctor had called me looking for a place for her. She had the beginning of dementia and could no longer live alone. She was talking as she came in and she never stopped. Every day she was dressed about the same. In the evening she wanted to wear long negligee but I finally convinced her was not a good idea with men around. Agnes had an answer for everything that went through the house. She had the cure for anything and everything. You could always get a good laugh at some of them; but she meant well. One thing about Agnes that got your attention was her illness. If you had a headache she got one immediately. If you’re back hurt, gentle reader, so did hers. If someone had a pain in their foot you know she did too. The Dr had told me she was a hypochondriac so I was prepared. She was on medicine for high blood pressure and for her heart. Agnes had a “sugar” pill. If she complained too much I would tell her I was going to have to get her a pain pill and she was so happy. When she took this capsule, which was just sugar her pain went away. She was a firm believer in the pill so this really worked out great for me. Agnes always set in a rocking chair filing her finger nails. It seemed like the more she talked the faster she would rock.
Her hair was a huge problem. She couldn’t brush it herself so I did the best I could. She couldn’t stand any heavy brushing and it was a job. I tried to get her to cut her hair but she refused any mention of this. I swear, dear reader, it was almost to her knees. She said she had not had it cut in fifty years and I believed her.
It was early spring when a thunderstorm developed. It was really a severe storm and the weatherman said it would last several hours. There was a lot of thunder and lighting. The folks always got together in the living room. It seemed to make everyone more comfortable to be with each other. The lights had blinked off and on a couple of times and then we lost power. You could literally hear a pin drop. I called Niagara Mohawk and they said power would be off for several hours.
I went into the living room and said very calmly “Everyone has to go to bed. The power will be off but I will be right here.” I figured if they were in bed it was easier to keep them quiet and no one was walking around in the dark. It took a while but I got the folks into their bed except Agnes. She said she just couldn’t go to bed she was in too much pain. I knew of course, gentle reader, she was fine but I said “Agnes, if you will go to bed I will get your special pill for you”! She rocked a few times and then said “Ok and than if you will plug in my electric blanket and turn it up I will go to bed”! Of course you know what I did… I gave her special pill and put her to bed. I than “fooled around” plugging in the blanket and she said “That feels so nice and warm and went to sleep. The power came back on about midnight but no one woke up. The next morning, dear reader, Agnes mentioned how well she slept with the blanket turned up on high!!
One of the best things I ever did in this home was to have an elevator installed. It was quite a job and we really had some interesting happen when people got on and forgot how to get off.
One of the funniest was when Agnes got on the elevator and started yelling for help. She was between floors and wanted to get off so she opened the door. This elevator had a “fail safe” feature and if the door opened it stopped wherever it was. It is hard to explain but there were two doors so she couldn’t get hurt. It took a long time to get her to shut the door so we could get her out. Of course as soon as she was out she got all the attention and she just lapped it right up. You would almost think, dear reader, she had thought of it herself.
To think, gentle reader, this was just the beginning of a long journey. Check in later for the next installment of life in the Miner Home…..
Love Red

WEDDING DRESSES

“You know, Violet you would look better in my dress”!! I look in the room and there is Violet, with just a slip on and Mary sitting on her bed smiling. Mary says, very happily, “I am helping Violet with a dress for her wedding”!! I said, “I didn’t know Violet was getting married”! Violet speaks up and says” OH!! It is a surprise and no one is supposed to know”. I said “Who is the lucky man?” Than Violet told me how she met him many years ago at the church. She told me how he always liked her and told her someday he would marry her. Now, gentle reader, you must realize, Violet was not the brightest person but she believed in people. She wanted to make sure she looked ok if he should come to visit. Violet had been waiting years for this but to her it was like yesterday. Her face lit up talking about him and she just looked so very happy! It just made me love her all the more. ):>)!! Mary and Violet spent many days just trying on each other’s clothes. It was a big joke to some but I always smile when I remember those two.
They were as different as night and day. I had written about Mary before. She is the lady who was just beautiful for her age and had never married. Violet had never married either but her Father was a minister and she was raised mostly by him. She was very shy around people but after she was with us for a while she was ok with everyone. She just truly believed he was going to arrive.
It was a lot different for Helen and Francis. These two shared a room. I never really had a problem with two women sharing a room but, gentle reader, this was really different. They both wore the same size clothing and Helen was always putting on Francis’s slacks. The first thing you heard was “Helen, you have my slacks on”! Helen replied “No I don’t. I looked and the tag says their mine”. Francis would say,” I want to see”. Helen would show her the tag and ninety percent of the time it was Francis’s pants. Francis wanted her to change immediately and someone had to go with her because by the time she got them off she would forget and put them right back on. When people are diagnosed with dementia it was hard. Some folks were not too bad but others were really a sad case. You just have to have world of patience with them. I think this is where the saying ” patience is a virtue” comes in.
When it came to men sharing a room it could really get interesting. You would never believe how bashful they were with each other. It seemed like one would go to bed early and the other would stay up watching TV. Than when he would go to bed you would hear “Shut the light off I am sleeping”!! I didn’t allow smoking in the house and sure enough one would want to go out for a cigarette. Than it was “I hate the smell of smoke”!!You need to take a bath.””Can someone spray something to get rid of the smell”?
I am sure, gentle reader; you understand how different it was.
I had folks with Dementia, Alzheimer’s, Cancer, Parkinson and many others. They would treat each other with a lot of respect but sometimes they could get angry. There is a huge difference between Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Folks who had Dementia were usually very easy to get to do things. They could sit and watch TV or look at a magazine but with Alzheimer’s it was a whole new ballgame. They normally paced a lot and ask the same thing. When you had to answer the same question 30 or 40 times a day you were glad when your shift was over. I was lucky with the ones I had.
I did have one Alzheimer’s person who really put me thru my paces!!
That is a story for the next time, gentle reader, and so check back in a few days…..
Love, Red

My sister, Esther, had worked for me for a long time. She only had one bad habit. She was always leaving the keys in her car. My place was back off the road but you never knew what could happen. I told her not to leave the keys in the car but she reminded me that my husband always moved the car. This was true. He would turn her car around so it was easier for her to leave. She really appreciated that when it snowed!!
Jim had been with us about six months. He was a recovering alcoholic and he walked a lot. His daughter came to visit him quite regularly and he was always asking for his car. Her answer was always the same. “Your car is in the garage being repaired”. He would say “Okay but let me know when I can have it”.
One day I was in the living room talking to Pat when Jim came walking in. He was so happy!! He was holding a key ring in his hand and he said “Look Esther!! I found your car keys for you!! “I can’t find mine but at least I found yours “I looked in your car and they were just hanging there”! Of course, dear reader, we started laughing but it wasn’t funny. What if he actually started the car?
Then there was Ed. He was in his eighties when he came. He was slowly going blind and required a lot of care. There were about four different eye drops he had to have at different times during the day. You never heard him complain about the eye drops but he did complain about his girl friend. It seems they had been together for many years. He lived in a mobile home park and she lived across the road in a house. He kept the mobile home up but stayed with her most of the time. He had a car and used it to go the Doctors until his eyes got bad. Her health was not too good either. Her family decided Ed needed to leave so their Mother would stop trying to help him. I guessed from what was said he was not liked at all. This was kind of hard for me to take. I felt like she should have a say in this, her mind was fine, but the family made the decision. Ed really enjoyed sitting out by the in ground pool. He knew where the lines were and stayed in his chair. One day he wanted to go out and sit in the sun so I agreed. I took him to his chair and told him he could stay for half an hour and then I would be back. It would be time for his eye drops. About half an hour later I went back and said “OK Ed, I have your eye drops for you”. He replied, “Don’t worry, I already used them”. I said “What are you talking about “?
He said” They are right there where you left them”. I said “Ed, I didn’t leave anything here”. I glanced at the table and there was a small bottle of stuff you used to test the pool water. I ran for the house and yelled” Call the Emergency Squad” to Chris and grabbed a glass of water and ran back to the pool. I tipped Ed’s head back and poured the water in his eyes. The Emergency Squad arrived and rushed him to the hospital. I was right behind them. I am telling you, gentle reader, my heart was in my mouth. I couldn’t believe I had not checked the table. He never put eye drops in his eyes; we always did that for him. The end result was he was OK but I am telling you it never happened twice!! It was such a simple thing but just thinking what could have happened was terrible.
Well, dear reader that is it for now but I remember when Agnes arrived, in style…..
Love, Red

LOSINMG JEWELERY

I had said in one of my previous blogs I didn’t have rules and regulations in my home. I was a little misleading in this statement gentle reader, but for a good reason.
If someone came who had rings or expensive jewelery I was very explicit with the families. I would not be responsible if the jewelry came up missing. Everyone understood that. Most folks took the expensive items home. I was very fortunate because in thirty years nothing ever came up missing.
It was on a Tuesday when the call came. The hospital had a lady looking for a place. Her name was Caroline and she was on oxygen all the time. She seemed to think the world owed her a living and could be rather mean to the other folks at times. She had some nice earrings which she wore all the time. She also had what looked like a very expensive ring. I explained to her that the ring she was wearing should be in a safe deposit box. She insisted she had no relatives just a very nice friend named Truman who lived in Scotia. She said he had Power of Attorney in case anything happened and he would get the ring.
I really learned a lot from her. The reason she was so mean at times was because she was very depressed and no one ever came to see her. The way this came about was really interesting. She was always sending letters to Truman and I didn’t give it a second thought. I thought it was nice she a least had one friend.
One morning Kate, one of my employees, and I were just discussing lunch when there was a loud knock on the door. This was surprising because no one ever knocked, they would just come in. I opened the door and this gentleman said,” I am here to see Caroline immediately because this is what I received in the mail this morning”!! He handed me a letter she had sent him and when you opened it up it read, in huge letters “I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED”!! PLEASE COME AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS OR CALL THE POLICE”!! I had to read this twice and then I said “I will take you to her room but she is fine”.
I proceeded to take him to her room and she was so happy to see him. She told him it was a joke just to get him to come and visit. He apologized to me. I told him not to worry and I needed to talk to him privately before he left. He said he would look me up. It was about forty minutes later and he came into the kitchen.
He said he was sorry about what she pulled and gave me a brief description of her life. She really had an abusive husband and resented anyone who was happy. I explained I was concerned about the expensive ring she was wearing. I didn’t want the responsibility of having it lost. I wanted him to take the ring with him. He went back to her room and talked to her again. When he returned her told us the ring was a fake. The real one was in the bank and the one she had on was probably worth about fifty dollars!! I was so relieved about that. Of course we never told her we knew but when you think of what could have happened it was scary.
It was after that we had an understanding with anyone who had anything of value.
When you have folks who are forgetful you really have to be careful. They not only lose clothes: or forget where their room is but I had one lady who forget where she put her teeth!! I am telling you dear reader; it was always interesting to see what would happen at Miner’s in one day.
Love, Red